Fragments of an Unfinished Memoir

I began to write a memoir with the aim of writing about my experience in Egypt. It was left unfinished as I arrived in Frankfurt Airport and was busied since then with the dealings of the trip. This, in the end, is a glimpse into my mind, a portal into the way I think of my surroundings and express them. This was originally written in the air, 40,000 feet in the sky, on May 15th, 2021.

25 Days in Egypt - A Memoir

I am writing this as a series of memories that I want to document and keep recording. At the time of this writing, I am on the flight number UAL58 headed from San Francisco to Frankfurt, Germany as a transit to Cairo, Egypt. Despite the many unforeseen circumstances that I saw in my travel so far, from turbulence on the ground with my family to turbulence in the air, with no control over either, I am enjoying this trip. There is no plan or intention to not think of this trip as one of the best in my life, both past and future. The interesting thing about this trip is that I am traveling to Egypt after more than 10 years away from it. To give a quick summary, I emigrated from Egypt to the United Staes in February of 2011, during the failed “Arab Spring” that resulted in my safety and security to be compromised. I moved to America with my family seeking a better life in the land of opportunity. And now, more than 10 years and 3 months later, I am on my way back to this same homeland I left so many years ago.

It is an interesting feeling, not going to lie, that this trip, at such a time as this, in which the entire world is scared of the Covid-19 Pandemic, to be going on a trip like this, let alone to Egypt of all places. So many thoughts and feelings at the same time are rushing through me, dancing their way throughout my mind, almost in a pendulum motion, between sheer excitement and sheer fear. I pray that through this trip, I gain more wisdom and enjoy a much needed vacation away from the world back at home and at another world so different, so far, and so ubiquitously contrasting to where I grew up.

Day 1- May 8th, 2021

Saturday

St Mark’s Feast

Having woken up from the slumber of my much needed sleep, I was stricken with this nervous feeling. Will we make it in time? It’s only 10 o’clock now. I asked my dad as soon as I woke up if we will have enough time to make it to the airport, check in, present our covid tests, and make sure that all our luggage is weighed properly so that there are no overweight fees. Scrambling here and there was the premise of the first three hours. I tried calling Sarah, my dear, to check on her, and having known that she is ok, i could not help but miss her. As much as I was excited to go to Egypt, I did not like the constant worry above my head. Although it was only my dad and I traveling, we each carried three suitcases filled to the brim not only with our clothes, but with items to gift and items requested from our relatives back home and items that we had to carry with us, with no guarantee that even we will make it.

The trip proved itself to be challenging from the very beginning, from before we even boarded the airplane. My dear mother, whom I love very much, kept instigating several arguments that were not fitting the time nor the current situation that I was placed in, which led to me, as calmly as I can possibly manage, to try and explain myself. But every time I try to explain myself and present an argument for my case, no one would understand or want to hear what I have to say. This proved itself difficult as I tried to keep not only my patience, but also my sanity, as I had many harsh worded responses I could have said, but I instead chose silence and suffering on the inside. I do not want the last memory a person would have of me to be that of an argument. I would have wished, that even despite the argument I had with my mom, that she would have come with us to greet us at the airport. It hurts to see your mom just walk out of the transit bus and display a non caring attitude towards me leaving, especially after an argument. I can never do that, if anything, I intentionally try to make peace, and especially before I leave a certain place, make good bidding to the people around me, lest I not see them again.

We made it to the airport just in time to get in line, gather our belongings together, and get in line to check in our bags. When we got to the lady checking in our bags, we kept arguing back and forth with her as she clearly did not understand what we were doing or what we had planned or even where we would get our visas. By that point, after all what happened, my stomach was doing summersaults; I physically was not ok, mentally unstable, and afraid. I knew we did all the right things, I was just praying that I would have an easy trip. I know that things tend to get more difficult, much harder, when life moves on. At that moment, I kept praying to my intercessors, H.H. Pope Shenouda III and H.H. Pope Kyrillos VI, for them to be with me as I was on the flight and for them to make the trip and the whole ordeal a little easier. Any more of such and I would have probably fainted. But thanks be to God who sustains us in our hardships, for only He alone understands our individual pains and experiences and provides in the time of need both help and encouragement. When we placed our bags on the scale, as I had been loading them, the clerk noted our precision in complying with the weight regulations and remarked his amazement by expressing to us that we did a wonderful job packing the bags. When I heard such, it was a nice boost of confidence that all the hours spent, all the arguments back and forth on the way to the trip, were worth something in the end. We made it past security and had no problems there, as we had our passports and boarding passes ready. And with hurry, we made our way individually to the bathroom and then together to the gate, which was nearby.

In between such, I kept myself busy by paying attention to some directives that were given to us by the staff at the airport before boarding. I could see the physical exhaustion and the mental strain on all the workers, which translated in the way they expressed their directives and instructions. For the most part, I felt they were mad for no real reason. If I were working this hard on the job I would eventually lose my patience, I would rather have to work elsewhere than to lose my sanity. In the meanwhile, I called Andrew Sharkawy, my longest and best friend in the United States, since he had tried calling me during my passing through security, and due to pressure, I promised to call him back. He was asking about me as I was about to fly and inquired about a hymn that he had to sing during the wedding ceremony that would happen later that same day. After that, I called Sarah again, just to check on her and tell her that I made it safely. Her concern for me had me concerned for her, so I called to make sure she was ok and that she knows I was ok. Who am I kidding? I miss her as I write this. Then I called my mentor, Eddie Kashou, to let him know how my situation was and what was happening to me in the airport and before such. He was busied and hurried off, while I sat again to see when we would board the plane.

When I say I was baffled at how empty the airport was, I would be understating. Having lived all the time in a distant city away from the hustle and bustle, when the covid pandemic hit, I was not really affected, since my weekly routine changed into online school and attending church, tasks that did not need much driving or much precaution with regard to this virus since my dad and I were already vaccinated. But having stepped into a populated city like San Francisco, and into an ever-congested location like the San Francisco International Airport, I was shook by how much the people around me were afraid visibly from the virus. After crossing security, i did not pay attention that my mask was not placed properly, and a German accented gentleman reprimanded me rather bluntly for not wearing one, which did not visibly bother me, since I complied, but I kept wondering to myself, how does such a man have a will to live with all this fear mounted on him? I know I am not careless, but i am for sure not as afraid of a virus, a war, a lockdown, or anything. If covid taught me anything, it’s that the world around me is visibly and metaphysically in God’s hands and in His control, and nothing of the sort would ever nor could ever bother or shake me. “I am in his hands”; this one thought that kept me sane.

We started boarding the plane shortly after. It was interesting to board and to be part of the experience that so many cannot experience and may never embark on. We went to our seats and sat together, both dad and I, and we tried to call our dear ones one last time before we leave the United States altogether. To our demise, the data collapsed inside the plane, and in a rapid and futile attempt I tried texting Sarah and Eddie so I can be sure that I said my final goodbyes. Luckily, almost miraculously, the data came back on and I received a call from both Sarah and Eddie. It was a wonderful time to hear both their voices, as if it was a reassurance that they would be with me regardless of the distance.

The many hours that passed were broken into a routine. Food, sleep, and annoyance regarding wearing the mask while sleeping. I was twice woken by the same flight attendant regarding my mask, and yet I was unbothered to keep it on. Being so sure of myself and not afraid of the virus has made me at times non-compliant about wearing the mask properly, but I am not affected by other’s words. They are afraid, I am not. They are scared of death, I am not. They are scared of a virus, but I am not scared of even death itself. For my life, death, every inhale and exhale, is in the hands of an amazing creator who has never once deserted me. I try to be careful, but I am not afraid. I just need to catch my breath.

The food on the plane was rather interesting. The plane staff began serving food about an hour into the flight, and the meal consisted of a chicken, queso, spices, and some random foods that tasted rather interesting. It came with a salad and weird dressing, bread, butter, and a mango sorbet. After consuming the interesting meal, I asked for more bread and sorbet to satisfy my lingering hunger. After having consumed such food, and downing a soda, I started to settle into the long and arduous journey this would be. I entertained myself to my music selection and found myself jamming to the songs I had downloaded earlier. The only regret i can possibly have now is not downloading Keda Ok on my ipad, as I treated the entire plane like my own personal room. The couch I was on was my bed, and the hallways were my gym. The bags of food were my trash, and the bathroom, a place where memes were made and prayers of safety prayed.

The beaming sun, ever shining throughout our entire journey, taught me an important aspect about my Savior. The sun followed me the entire time in the plane ride, shining brightly. I would be surprised when I observe the temperature outside, which would be around -60 Fahrenheit, while I, in the cabin, felt the beaming sun and it’s heat. I felt that God does the same with us. He is ever-existing; He created us in his love and made the entire creation, the sun, the moon, and all the innumerable beauties in the world we live in, for our enjoyment. When we ascend to his heights, and begin to live closer to his glory, we see him always in everything in our lives. My entire life, I spent it on the ground, only knowing the sun as a harsh source of heat and light that without it, our world does not function. But when I ascended in the air, and all I can see was the sun and the ground below illuminated in beauty through it, I started to finally understand how we are in relation to our God. We may see God as a source of everything and a rather impersonal deity far removed from our issues. But when we ascend to his heights, especially after the tribulations we face on earth, we start to understand finally that the world, and even us, are made for His glory. We can only understand ourselves in relation to the one who created us.

With about an hour left in the first flight, I was anxious to move around, especially since I have spent more than three hours sitting on the chair watching 3asal Eswed and listening to music and typing out this memoir. Before I enter Egypt, I need to clarify that there will be a lot of writing in both Franco Arabic and English. I will use one alphabet to speak of and in two separate languages, each one with their own distinct use and need.

Not having any wifi has taught me a lot about myself and about the world around me. I realized that on the plane was the best nature show in the planet. I learned so much about the geography of the world. It’s always a different perspective looking down from above than looking up from below. SO many different views, taken by my humble phone camera, captured my fascination and almost childish curiosity. So much time we spend planning and making, and yet we do not take the time to appreciate the beauty and phenomena around us. I also learned about myself that, when given no wifi, I resort to writing everything out. My thoughts, my fleeting thoughts, everything i have written down and noted in order for me to be entertained and also do something both productive and meaningful.

During the last 40 mins of the flight, the flight attendants distributed a light breakfast consisting of a yogurt, a biscotti, and a choice of drink. We were slowly approaching the German air borders as we flew over the Netherlands. All that I could notice around me was the ever shining sun and the many green fields below us as we started making our initial descent into Frankfurt, Germany. My fleeting thoughts were now summating into fear of getting lost in a country we have no clue of. I try to keep an account of all my items, especially loose ones, so that I do not lose anything. My sunglasses, my airpods, my insulin pump, my phone, my tablet (and this was the most valuable of them all). The green fields, tiny villages that dotted them, and the endless green shades and fields were slowly becoming clearer as the windows opened unto the daylight outside the plane. The highways, splitting the country into little veins and cappilaries, all merging into a main road that unites the many dotted villages. A beautiful sight indeed, if it wasn’t for the constant fear of the inhabitants in the, who exhibited no warmth.

Landing into Frankfurt’s airport proved to be a challenge indeed, as they were not even ready to receive the plane, which forced us to literally fly around the airport as we awaited for a clear landing spot. This of course made me nervous since not only were we in a land we did not know, but also in the air not knowing when we will even land. Humorous as that may sound, my fear did not wane until we finally landed. We were to leave the plane according to our rows, and being so far in front of the plane, we were among the first to leave. We were then instructed that there would be no place to receive us except through a bus that would shuttle us to the interior of the airport. That same bus proved to be one of the funniest experiences so far in the trip. The complete and utter contradictions that occurred in the bus ride were enough to rile some of the travelers into rebellion and confusion, as we were all mandated to socially distance, and yet packed like sardines into one singular bus that had no less than fifty people on it. I kept trying to humor not only myself, but the passengers around me and my dad, who was crammed next to me carrying his carry-on. After a bit, my dad told me to stop, and I could only reply by stating that, without laughter, it would be difficult for us to continue the journey. The more frightening thing, which over the course of the trip would bring itself up several times, was our cluelessness. This was the first cluelessness incident already in the trip. The announcements on the bus were for the most part in german, leaving me and my dad very confused. What were we to do or how were we to understand what was asked of us especially when it was in a language we had no clue of? The first task was finding where we needed to go, and through following the maps and the directions given to us at the airport, we made our way through the gates of the bus and into the airport. When we got out into the airport, we took around fifteen minutes to find our way, as the directions still remained unclear to us in the case of going and coming and reaching our gate. Several times I would have to pause and look around to see where I am going. The complete lack of direction and not knowing where to go were very nerve wracking in a trip that did not start too well already.

When we figured out where we were going, we had to pass another security checkpoint, which both shocked and frightened me. Germans do not mess around when it comes to anything in their life. Their hard attitude was frightening, instilling a work ethic unparalleled by any other nation. We were stripped of any and all liquids, and as soon as they discovered some liquids that were forgotten in a bag, they were very harsh to tell us that we forgot them. Both my dad and I had to be patted down and searched. I did not know if that was because we looked middle eastern, because our tickets were heading to Egypt, or because we came from the United States, which at the time is still recovering from Covid. In any case, we were searched, and let’s just say their search was aggressive and unwarranted for. Of course since Dad’s bag was the one that had the forgotten liquids, he was searched further. I kept standing to the side and praying silently, interceding to my favorite saints to help us in this conundrum. When we had made it past the security, we were on our way throughout the airport, trying to find where in this insanely large airport we were supposed to board. We passed through duty-free shops, cafes, and endless gates and stairs before we reached the place we were supposed to board.

The second incident of confusion happened when my dad left me near the gate to go attend to some shopping duties his mom, also my grandmother, had asked of him from the duty-free shops. I did not mind at first, as I saw it a wonderful opportunity to finally go online and update my socials to reflect the travel conditions I was in, also using the opportunity to call my relatives abroad and update them on my wellbeing. I started by calling my grandmother, who wanted to check on us and see how we were and how the first flight was. I gave her my honest feedback and some reflections from the trip, emphasizing how utterly painful parts of the trip were and how the food was tasteless and we could not stop laughing about such situations. The call lasted about an hour, during which I heard some announcements about covid and travel and such that at first I did not understand or pay attention to. But as soon as I started seeing people get up and line up, I started worrying that I was not doing something right. The German airport staff were explaining how, in order to board the plane, passengers needed to show a negative covid-19 test that is compliant with what the German and the Egyptian government want in regards to the timing of the test taking. Any mistake on our part from the test meant we could not travel, and being stuck in a country with no way going back and the possibility of not going forward spun fears inside me. While I was on the phone with my grandmother, they kept announcing such announcement, which increased my worry as I did not see my dad anywhere near me. I got off the phone with my grandmother and started to call my dad. I kept calling and calling, to no avail. I was in panic mode. Two incessant questions kept bothering me. Should I leave my bags and look for dad? Or should I stay and hope that Dad comes in time for boarding? If I left my bags to search my dad, I risk my bags being stolen and not finding Dad, forcing him also to look for me. And if I were to stay, what is my guarantee that I will find dad in time to board the plane and have all my papers checked for Covid and for travel? The more I kept trying to call my dad, the more I kept losing hope that I will find him in time. And how could I ask to find him in a place where even I did not know where I was?

At last I found him walking over with some bags from the duty-free section, and all my nervous energy and fear immediately turned into anger. No excuse would work on me. There was wifi, there was a phone, why did he not call? As soon as I glimpsed him, I started running towards him. When I saw him, I exclaimed in a hushed, angered, and confused tone “Where were you?! Did we not agree to stay together?! I needed you for some boarding passes. Why did you not answer!!” He retorted by saying, “There’s no wifi for me to call!”

“NONSENSE! There is wifi and I am using it and you did not bother to connect!”

“ok ok ok I am so sorry I didn’t mean to...”

“It’s fine. I am sorry for my anger. Now can we go get our boarding passes?”

As we made our way to the bags, we took out our boarding passes and made our way to the end of the already long line. Although there were relatively not many people, the line extended as everyone tried to eyeball a meter and half distance from the other person in front of them. Not realizing that I was in a foreign country who was mortified from Covid, I found myself trying to advance, only to notice that I had to wait since there needed to be a distance. Being a non-confrontational person, I tried to avoid as many arguments as possible, so although I was confident that I was vaccinated and that I did not need to wear a mask or distance, I knew that I needed to keep a distance and wear a mask not for others to feel safe, but also for my own peace. Peace, a word whose meaning was constantly tested throughout this trip from many different angles and perspectives. We soon made our way to the front counter where they checked our passports, our other travel documents, and our negative covid tests. Of course my dad, being a pharmacist and a specialist in vaccines, had to explain to the airport staff where the PCR related material was and where the information they needed to find was, further solidifying that we had no covid. The airport staff, while at first struggling with us to find what she needed, eventually cooled down and we had a little laugh before we left the counter. This incident, in my opinion, is why laughing is important in life. We all need a break from our solidified faces, from the monotonous churning that keeps marching forward as time moves on. We then found our seats and settled in until we boarded the plane.

My dad boarded the plane before me, as he had to assist a lady from our home church who was flying the same plane as us. Despite such an early boarding, his seat was further towards the back of the plane. My boarding group was much later, but my seat was surprisingly in the front part of the plane.